Eleventh post a random thought

Just had the urge to post this clip I found in youtube.



Suck my balls!

Tenth post and here's some random thoughts

Just wanted to tell you guys that I really love this album I bought during the first time I met M. I really love the female's vocals and the band's performance. The lyrics for Angels are below.

Angels

Sparkling angel I believed
you were my saviour in my time of need.
Blinded by faith I couldn't hear
all the whispers, the warnings so clear.
I see the angels,
I'll lead them to your door.
There's no escape now,
no mercy no more.
No remorse cause I still remember
the smile when you tore me apart.

Chorus:
You took my heart,
deceived me right from the start.
You showed me dreams,
I wished they would turn into real.
You broke the promise and made me realise.
It was all just a lie.

Sparkling angel, I couldn't see
your dark intentions, your feelings for me.
Fallen angel, tell me why.
What is the reason, the thorn in your eye?

I see the angels,
I'll lead them to your door
There's no escape now
no mercy no more
No remorse cause I still remember
the smile when you tore me apart

Chorus:
You took my heart,
deceived me right from the start.
You showed me dreams,
I wished they would turn into real.
You broke the promise and made me realise.
It was all just a lie.
Could have been forever.
Now we have reached the end.

This world may have failed you,
it doesn't give you reason why.
You could have chosen a different path in life.
The smile when you tore me apart.

Ninth post and i'm climbing out of my nine hells

Life is what you made up of you. I try to tell myself that I am lucky, fortunate and I should be grateful for what has been bestowed upon me. Then I ask myself again, why? Why do I feel this certain hollow part in my heart, soul and whatever that encompasses my passion and my lifeforce. Why do I feel so dead, even when the situation is so alive? Why do I feel sad when I should be happy? I really want to smile, laugh and cheer for the life that I have. Then comes the question again, why don't I punch my fist up to the air and rejoice for what I have. Well John, you always have question. Like what Miss HW would say, that is an existentionlist question. Am I doubting the significance of my presence in this material plane or am I just too caught up thinking about things that have no significance at all? I don't know, I really don't know. Recently, three potential soulmates came spiralling into my life. First one was J, then S and now M. I really hope it stops at M, I can't stand disappointments and depression again. It is just all so redundant.

J was probably one of my baby steps towards a relationship. Only to let me discover, how much I detest the idea of being with her at the end of the day. Why I feel this way? I have no eff-ing idea! S was very nice to me and I really liked her. But why John? Why must you have a heart? I couldn't bear to hurt her and myself. Then why did I land her in such a situation in the first place? I got no idea what I was doing, I know I liked her a lot but why does the social norm , status quo and "right way of things" have to justify that I leave her? Why does my heart and mind defer so much in rationality and decision-making process? And yet in the end, I chose to let her go. M came in like a whirlwind and I never did expect what was coming. She had her own set of problems, but we seem to be like kindred spirits. It was a rarity to find someone who actually almost know how I feel and my thoughts. It all seemed too good to be true, but some part of me feel apprehensive.

It's not that I don't trust M, in fact, I really want to. But like what she said, I need reassurances and I need confirmations. Yes! Mock me, mock John the "uncaring" man. I tried so hard not to think and care so much. But I always seem to be drawn into worrying, caring and feeling for people so much, especially the people I love or I want to love or start loving. So tell me world, why do I always end up like a neverending twirl of barbwire. Hurting and being hurt by the spikes of life and experience in the neverending process of trying to live a simple but fulfilling life.

Eighth post and not all things are superficial.

Was supposed to meet my manager today in the morning at NYP, only to find rain pouring during the early morn. So, I canceled the appointment, only to find the rain cleared up around 8 plus. Therefore, I conclude that God must have not wanted me there for some reason. Well, S came over to my place around 5 plus and companied me till 7. We headed to the MRT and she headed to her party and I headed to my own gathering at pitstop cafe, which is located at boatquay. They have an URL and here is it.

http://pitstopcafe.blogspot.com

Well, the service was fine and the atmosphere was comfortable. It gave me a very homely feeling and there were many board/card games to choose from. The 7 of us really had a fun time there. James, Sabrina, Jess, Sarah, Theresa and Mingyu turned up and boy did we had fun. I have always appreciated the simple things in life and I hope that there more of these in the future. Also, I might be traveling to Kukup or Pulau Ubin Chalet with them again in the future.

I seem to have lost a little bit of inspiration to relate what I feel with the stories and books I have recently heard and read. I would probably do it in the next post. Meanwhile I am still trying hard to piece up my thoughts and ideas. Been too crowded with complex issues lately. John signing off again.

Seventh post relieves me of my troubles.

This post was actually drafted when I was on the MRT to ACS barker to train my client.

Like what Drizzt says the "silent blade" cuts you deep within. Not physically, but both mentally and emotionally. Breeding inner demons in you and leaves yoy confused and winded. In our daily lives, there are times that we might or already have encountered silent blades. These incidents makes us stronger, changes us to who we are now. They also gives us knowledge, making us wiser and to make us know how to better handle situations in the future. We are humans, we are adaptable, resilient and we can recover from hurt and injuries.

What does not kill you, really does make you stronger. For the physical aspect, our scar tissue are harder and stronger as compared to what it was before the injury. For emotional and mental aspects, we develop wisdom and street-smartness to handle situations. Therefore, we must always try to reflect on our own actions and emphatize with the viewpoints and feelings of other people. These will help heal our sadness and wounds. Sharing happiness and enjoyment will also eventually lead us to become a wholesome and pleasant person.

Sixth post and six times for revelation

It was a bleak day yesterday. J decided that we were not suitable for each other and ended it off. Oh well, one week was a great time anyway. Now then, to numb my senses (not that they aren't numb or jaded), I spent around $80 to buy both the Legacy of the Drow and also The Cleric Quintet. These are made up of 7 books each combined to a massive paperback. I apologize for not talking about Jarlaxe for this post, simply because I ain't in the mood for it. So a thousand apologies for people who I have postponed the review date of the particular rogue.

Anyway Legacy of the Drow is a continuation after Drizzt's and friends exploits after Ice Wind Dale. The Cleric Quintet is that of Cadderly, who will be responsible in destroying the Crystal Shard. Till then people, take care! Be yourself!

Fifth post and I have five fingers

Today's post would be rather random and extract, only people who have read up on the novels I read would be able to relate to it. In the Icewind Dale series, we know of the inner turmoil of the dark elf Drizzt and his dark heritage. As he comes to turns with his own morals and code of coduct, he found out that he has a new problem. The racism he faces when he enters the surface world. R.A Salvatore is smart to use Drizzt to send a subtle message to the readers that we should not stereotype and not all people of are bad. Dark elf may represent many groups of people in out journeys in life. Maybe race, country, mafia, triads , religions and maybe even the general public. I also think of Drizzt as a redemption, a ray of light in this darkness. While some people may argue that Drizzt is just a character for attention seeking properties , I beg to differ.

Even though, R.A Salvatore may place too much emphasis on a particular character, he does it for a reason. He splendidly spins in Artemis Enteri into the scene. Artemis Enteri can be seen as a mirror image of Drizzt. Drizzt seeks to be everything he is not and Enteri vice-versa. Although they are very similar, but they are different. And of course, they hate each other and want to eliminate each other. Isn't this somewhat similar to the inner turmoils we face in each of our daily lives. Like as though we have some dark past that we wish to erase, but we were never able to do it. The best thing to do is to accept the fact and live with it. Coming to terms with it is never easy, but with help and encouragement it can be done.

For Drizzt, there are Wulfgar, Bruenor, Cattie-Brie and Regis. Ahh, one might think that that might be no one for Enteri. However, ironic and confusing this may seem. Enteri's kindred spirit is a drow by the name of Jarlaxe. Jarlaxe himself is a complex and very interesting character, but you got to wait for my next post as I have to prepare to work. Till then , take care readers!

Four post four wishes for you

Well this is today's program for today.

1. Mow the lawn!
2. PT session at Sunglade with Vivien at 11:30
3. Write out programs for my diligent particicpants of my body contour program
4. Work at NYP from 2-7
5. Meet J!

As usual I am listening to it's not over by Chris Daughty. Maybe, somewhere in my heart I seek some kind of forgiveness. In the MTV, the scene of getting out of the prison shows me slowly coming out of my self-denial, depression and torment. The rest of the scene that shows him looking for a job is just like how I have always met obstacles here and there in life. But do not fret, for there is always another chance in life. Notice I did not say second chance, but another chance. We always hope to do what we never did before. We always try desperately to hold onto and grab onto the past. Hoping to right what's wrong.

The truth is, it will never or seldom happen and that we must always cherish what's in front of us before we lose them. Been through done that, still realizing the aftermath of all failed relationships/friendships. So people who are reading now, if things are not right, please set it right. If things fail, give yourself another chance. Remember life goes not, " it's not over".

Three post the three blind mice

Today was a brainless but happy day. It was just slack and enjoy, slack and enjoy. And so, J stayed over at my house. Guess what, I actually managed to pack my room and I am proud to call my room neat or something close to that. I passed Louis my Icewind Dale collection and hope he would enjoyed the book like I did. Like I said, today is a slack and enjoy day. Went with J to Hougang mall and had Ichiban japanese food. Sashimi and unagi and their wholesome goodness!

In case you guys are wondering who J is? J is my girl! Well then Brother John! Any revelations? Well, I found out that even though I am kinda old, I am rather spoilt. I act princely sometimes irrationally and I am proud to be me.

Second day another chance

Today was a great day, well after all I did finish my last book of the Icewind Dale Trilogy. R.A Salvatore wasn't that description and intense as he is now. Maybe age and experience really develops wisdom and style. All those RPG games now fall in place as I find akin to the places I travel and the monsters I battle in the previous games.

Worked for 12-2 and 5-9 at NYP and I wonder why are the shifts so weird. I thought today would indeed be boring indeed as I did not bring my training attire and my swimming gear. Turns out I was wrong as Jaime informed me that her event at NYP had a Xbox 360 for me to fiddle with. What luck! Played a couple of games and gosh were the graphics good. Had some drinks with her at the canteen and I proceeded back to the staff gym while I slack, relax and finish my novel.

So there, any revelations today Mr. John? Well not so but I do notice a few things. I do not know many of our government officials except for those more "important" ones and I find that the newspapers and TV are also boring, considering the limited amount of choices we have. And REALLY? Why do MediaCorp, CNA , SPH congratulate us for supporting them and helping them increase ratings and win awards. The truth is, how many CHOICES do we really have? Do we even have a CHOICE for media? If CableTV was free, do you seriously think that our local stations even stand a chance? Go ponder my friends!

First blog first truth

It has been a long six years since I last saw Sheena. Life is unpredictable and kicks in the ass when you least expect it. I did not call out to her and I wonder why. I have to admit I was a bit disorientated and I didn't know how to react, but I can safely assure you that everything is in order or maybe chaotic order. Here is a bit of my inspiration when I was caught out in that moments of disorientations. It all seemed so surreal, unreal and ecstatic.

If I stood right before you,
Would you recognize me?
If I smiled right at you,
Would you look through me?
It's been a long time since I last saw you,
I will always remember you,
Would you remember me?
I think about all the things that had happened,
I'll never forget you,
More than half a decade of happenings,
Just would not go away.

I hope you guys enjoyed it.